Activities Bulletin · Posted at the front desk

Old ManCreepers

We were old when old was young.

Doom metal · Boca Raton, Florida · 1987–present

Four residents. One tempo. Rehearsing under Carport B every Saturday since 1987.

Read the bulletin

An older man sings into a microphone taped to a walker while a guitarist, a bassist and a woman on drums play to rows of residents on folding chairs in a clubhouse rec room — Saturday, the clubhouse rec room. Shuffleboard continued outside.

Bulletin Item 1

The Pool Schedule

The band formed at the 5:30 a.m. lap swim. It keeps the same hours now.

Old Man Creepers formed in Boca Raton in 1987. The four members met at the 5:30 a.m. lap swim at a community pool off Palmetto Park Road. They swam in adjacent lanes for most of a year before anyone spoke.

The band plays doom metal. The tempos are slow, the riffs are long and the volume is considerable. The members have said the speed is not a limitation. It is the point.

We were old when old was young.
Band motto, back sleeve of Get Off My Stage (1989)

Weekly schedule, posted by the pool gate

TimeActivityMonTueWedThuFriSatSun

5:30 a.m.Lap swim. Lanes 1–4 reservedMon: yesTue: yesWed: yesThu: yesFri: yesSat: yesSun: yes

7:00 a.m.Early-bird breakfastMon: yesTue: yesWed: yesThu: yesFri: yesSat: yesSun: yes

9:00 a.m.Rehearsal, Carport BMon: noTue: noWed: noThu: noFri: noSat: yesSun: no

1:00 p.m.Quiet hourMon: yesTue: yesWed: yesThu: yesFri: yesSat: yesSun: yes

4:00 p.m.DinnerMon: yesTue: yesWed: yesThu: yesFri: yesSat: yesSun: yes

7:00 p.m.Doom, clubhouse rec roomMon: noTue: noWed: noThu: noFri: noSat: yesSun: no

Rehearsal ends before the lunch seating. It has never run over.

Four older swimmers in goggles and caps standing in a row in a pool at dawn, steam on the water — The 5:30 a.m. lap swim. Lanes one to four, left to right.

Lane assignments, 1986

1Earl
2Hank
3Sol
4Dot

Chapter 1

The 5:30 Lap Swim

The pool opened at 5:30 a.m. Four people were reliably in the water when it did. Earl Pittman swam in lane one. Hank Drummond swam in lane two. Sol Brenner swam in lane three, slowly, on his back. Dot Ferraro swam in lane four and lapped all three of them.

They swam side by side for most of 1986 without a conversation. In January 1987 the heater failed and the lap swim was cancelled for a week. The four of them stood at the locked gate in the dark at 5:30 each morning anyway. On the fourth morning Hank said he played guitar. Dot said she played drums. Sol said he had a bass in a closet. Earl said he would sing, and that it would need to be slower than whatever they were thinking.

Chapter 2

Carport B

Rehearsals were held under Carport B on Saturday mornings from nine until eleven. The arrangement with the condominium association required the band to finish before the lunch seating. They have never once run over.

Earl rehearsed seated at first. In 1988 he taped the microphone to the crossbar of his walker and stood for the full two hours. He has stood for every performance since.

The four-piece band rehearsing under a pink stucco carport beside a parked white sedan, a sprinkler running on the lawn — Carport B, Saturday, 9:00 a.m. The sprinkler is on a timer.

Chapter 3

Low Tide

Low Tide Records was run out of a spare bedroom in Delray Beach. It released Get Off My Stage in 1989 and Nap of Darkness in 1992. The second record runs forty minutes. Thirty-five of those minutes are the title track, which was recorded in one take. Sol has stated that he was awake for all of it.

Chapter 4

Still Not Dead

Still Not Dead was released in 2003 and described in its press materials as a comeback. The band objected to the word. They had rehearsed under Carport B every Saturday in the eleven years between records. They had simply not released anything.

They are still active. They still swim at 5:30.

Bulletin Item 2

Residents’ Roster

Four members. The same four since 1987. Listed by lane.

Lane 1Vocals
Earl Pittman. The tape is replaced each spring.
Earl “The Growl” Pittman
Since 1987 · present
Still sings into a microphone taped to an aluminum walker. The tape is replaced each spring.
“Slower.”
Lane 2Guitar
Hank Drummond. Receiving.
Hank Drummond
Since 1987 · present
Plays in a golf polo and high white socks. His hearing aids occasionally receive AM radio during solos. The band has decided this is intentional.
“It's a texture.”
Lane 3Bass
Sol Brenner, before a show. He will be woken at the count-in.
Sol Brenner
Since 1987 · present
Naps backstage before every show. Has never missed a downbeat.
“Wake me for the riff.”
Lane 4Drums
Dot Ferraro. Forty-eight beats per minute, full force.
Dorothy “Dot” Ferraro
Since 1987 · present
Counts in every song. Sets the tempo and holds it. Hits harder than anyone in the building.
“Forty-eight. Not forty-nine.”

Bulletin Item 3

The Records

Three albums on Low Tide Records. Each is charted below by lane, one track to a length. Longer tracks take more of the pool.

Record 1 · 1989

Get Off My Stage

Low Tide Records · 5 tracks · 45 min

The debut. Recorded in a carport over six Saturday mornings. Opens with the eleven-minute extended version of a song that was never released in any other version.

12345

1Get Off My Lawn (Extended Version)11:41
2The Early Bird Gets the Mosh Pit7:35
3Back Pain Concerto10:42
4Get Off My Stage8:38
5Dinner at Four6:32

Open the record

Record 2 · 1992

Nap of Darkness

Low Tide Records · 3 tracks · 40 min

Forty minutes. Thirty-five of them are one song.

123

1Nap of Darkness35:00
2Twenty Minutes Is Plenty2:32
3Rise2:28

Open the record

Record 3 · 2003

Still Not Dead

Low Tide Records · 5 tracks · 45 min

The comeback album. The band had not left.

12345

1Still Not Dead9:04
2I Can't Hear You (And I Don't Want To)7:53
3Lane Four8:26
45:30 A.M.10:11
5We Never Left9:47

Open the record

Bulletin Item 4

The Notice Board

Posted by the mailboxes. Items are not removed.

Minutes and reports · 1990

The Noise Complaint

Condominium association meeting, Boca Raton, Florida

The board asked the band to turn it down. The band slowed it down instead. The board accepted this.

A resident of the second floor filed a written complaint about the Saturday rehearsals in the spring of 1990. The association board took it up at its April meeting. Dot attended on behalf of the band. The board asked whether the band could play more quietly. Dot said it could not. The board asked whether it could play less. Dot said it could play slower, which was nearly the same thing. The board voted four to one to accept this. The rehearsals that followed were the slowest on record.

Minutes and reports · 1994

The Walker

Clubhouse rec room, Boca Raton, Florida

Earl threw his walker into the crowd during the last song. It was passed back to the stage, hand over hand. No one was hurt.

During the final song of a Saturday-evening show in the clubhouse rec room, Earl Pittman lifted his walker, microphone still attached, and threw it into the audience. The front row caught it. It was passed back to the stage hand over hand, with the cable paid out behind it, and returned to Earl in time for the last line. No one was hurt. Earl has not done it again. He has said he would.

The band loading amplifiers, a guitar case and a drum kit onto two golf carts in a condominium parking lot — Load-out to the clubhouse. Two carts. One trip.

Standing notices

The Storage Unit

The master tapes for all three albums are said to be in a storage unit in Sarasota. The rent has been paid every month since 1993. Nobody has checked.

The Palmetto Courier · Autumn 1992

Clubhouse Band Releases Forty-Minute Record

Thirty-five minutes of it are one song. The band considers this reasonable.

Old Man Creepers meet us at a breakfast counter at 6:40 in the morning. They have already swum.

COURIER: The new record is forty minutes long. The title track is thirty-five.

DOT FERRARO: Yes.

COURIER: Was it ever going to be shorter?

EARL PITTMAN: It was going to be longer. We had to stop for lunch.

Standing notices

AM Radio

Hank Drummond's hearing aids occasionally pick up AM radio in the middle of a solo. Audiences have reported weather, ballgames and a farm report. The band has discussed it and decided it is intentional.

The four band members eating breakfast in an orange diner booth, two instrument cases on the floor — Breakfast, 6:40 a.m. The cases come too.

Standing notices

Sol, Backstage

Sol Brenner naps before every show, sitting up, holding his bass. He is woken at the count-in. He has never missed the first note.

Standing notices

Forty-Eight

Dot Ferraro counts every song in at forty-eight beats per minute or slower. She has been asked to go faster. She has declined each time, in writing when necessary.

Bulletin Item 5

Excursion Sign-Up

One tour, eight stops, 2003. All dates on the east and west coasts of Florida. The bus left from the clubhouse lot.

Still Not Dead Tour · 2003

Departs 6:15 a.m. from the clubhouse lot. Please be on time.

Stop	Destination	Remarks
1	Boca Raton, FL	Home. Clubhouse rec room.
2	Delray Beach, FL	—
3	West Palm Beach, FL	—
4	Port St. Lucie, FL	—
5	Vero Beach, FL	Shuffleboard pavilion.
6	Melbourne, FL	—
7	Sarasota, FL	Nobody checked the unit.
8	Naples, FL	Finished before nine.

Comment cards

Left in the box at the front desk and entered into the record as written.

Resident comment card
★★★★★
I live on the second floor above Carport B. I filed the complaint in 1990. I have since bought all three records. Nap of Darkness is the best thing I have heard through a floor.
R. Weintraub, Boca Raton, FL

Resident comment card
★★★★★
During Hank's solo his hearing aid picked up the marine forecast. Seas two to three feet. It fit the song perfectly. I have not been the same.
M. Ocasio, Vero Beach, FL

Resident comment card
★★★★★
The drummer is the loudest person I have ever seen. She was also the first one out of the parking lot.
T. Halvorsen, Naples, FL

Old ManCreepers

The Pool Schedule

The 5:30 Lap Swim

Carport B

Low Tide

Still Not Dead

Residents’ Roster

Earl “The Growl” Pittman

Hank Drummond

Sol Brenner

Dorothy “Dot” Ferraro

The Records

The Notice Board

The Noise Complaint

The Walker

The Storage Unit

Clubhouse Band Releases Forty-Minute Record

AM Radio

Sol, Backstage

Forty-Eight

Excursion Sign-Up

Still Not Dead Tour · 2003

Comment cards

Sign the Sheet